I’m watching the Australian Open, and troubled by the news of the Balkan brawling after Serbian Novak Djokovich and Bosnian Amer Delic’s match. But of course, in the moments it takes for my thoughts linger on men from other countries, they wander to the rainbow tapestry that is their hair. First there’s all the panning to the fans in the stands, where I’m visually assaulted by highlighted, curly, Australian blunt man-bobs. Is it the surf culture and the year-round sun that makes them think this is OK? It’s like a highly-controlled interpretation of beachiness except it looks more like Barbara Mandrell than the big kahuna.
Then I see Gael Monfils and his atrociously jacked up orange fro. Monfils is black, and French, and clearly the prevailing Latin cultural norm of too much hair has gone to his head. (His player profile shot has cute braids but I’ve only ever seen this scary, shaggy, finger-in-the-light socket look.) Do the mental tally on the Latin countries: Nadal, Fernando Gonzalez, and on and on. I’m beginning to think the Americans and their practical, no-fuss hair, are the true minority. Are American men are too afraid of looking like they primp (i.e., might be gay) to do much other than cut it short or shave it? I’m reminded of a date I went on with a French fellow I met on Facebook. Groovy dude, worked in an arts capacity, excellent taste in music. His pictures were all a little blurry and, I realized when I met him, a little old. Now, a man hiding his baldness with the old picture bait-and-switch is nothing new to anyone who’s dated someone online. But I wasn’t expecting an enormously puffy fro, cleaved down the middle by a Red Sea of pate. Men go bald, no big deal. But I contend that only hipster of Latinate persuasion would have kept the rest of his feathers so long. My people would have shaved that shit tout de suite.
Obviously most of my musing here is about the hair of tennis, a sport whose conservatism is on the wane, but that still lacks a prevailing fashion culture of its own. There are tremendously creative ‘dos in the NBA, where the ruling aesthetic is more African-American street style. (God how I miss it.) Tennis is far more international, and thus we get a real survey of dudes from all over the world, and how they roll. For once, I think my vote goes with possibly incidental homophobia.
P.S. I am still learning how to post pictures or I would have reams of examples.
“Atrociously jacked up hair”
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAH